Life has changed...

I last updated our blog on Tuesday...proud of myself for being pretty current and thinking that we were going to have some fun things to post about in the near future.  Little did I know that our lives would be flipped upside down the next day.  I've always used our blog as my attempt to keep some family records.  We print it in a book each year and it's been a fun thing for us to look back on.  I can't say that I've used it much as a place to express feelings, concerns...in general more intimate happenings in our lives.  But I feel like now I kind of need to.  One so I have a record of what has been going one and two so the family and friends I love can feel like they know what's going on.  That being said...I guess our blog turns more into a journal for me now than it ever has been so you are reading at your own risk!

My water broke on Wednesday...that next day we were 28 weeks pregnant.  Too early for my water to break.  It was a normal day.  I took the girls visiting teaching, we got Eliza off to school, and Talia and I started getting ready to go to a luncheon for a friend who lives down the street.  We weren't going to stay very long cause we had plans to pick up Eliza as soon as school was finished and go have family pictures taken.  At noon I started to help Talia put on her shoes and felt like I had peed my pants a tiny bit.  Not uncommon for this pregnancy since it's happened almost every time that I've sneezed or laughed however I hadn't done either of those things this time.  I didn't think much of it, changed real fast, and we left.  Talia played with the kids while I visited and had lunch.  I got Talia ready to go and we headed to the car.  As we walked to the car my pants started to get very wet...which was kind of alarming.  We drove home and I went straight to the bathroom.  The fluid continued to trickle out and a thousand thoughts were running through my head...surely this isn't my water breaking, should we get pictures taken and then call the doctor (I know...dumb thought), we have so much going on this next little while this has to be a fluke, blah, blah, blah.

I decided to finally call Darran and couldn't get a hold of him on his cell phone.  The office told me he was at lunch so I called Chris and Darran answered.  I told him what I thought was happening and he raced home.  Meanwhile I was lovingly convinced to call my doctor or just go to the hospital...do something...by hysterically calling Missy and Kimberly.  By the time Darran got home I had talked with a nurse who told me to go directly to the hospital and they would be waiting for me.  Papa came to be with Talia and pick up Eliza from school and we headed to the hospital.  When we got there they did one little test and in walked me doctor.  Dr. Kobalter is who I have been seeing throughout this pregnancy.  The way his office and rotation work the odds of him delivering are pretty slim so I was very surprised to see that he just happened to be the doctor on call that day.  He said definitely I had ruptured and that I would now be in the hospital until this baby comes.  It could be a week it could be six weeks.  But I couldn't go home because the simplest thing could make that baby go into labor and we want her to be inside me as long as possible.  So here I am...in the hospital...on bed rest...constantly reminding myself that she is safe inside me and for every additional day she is that's two less days in the NICU for her.

Most women give birth within seven days of their water breaking...right now our goal is to make it to 30 weeks.  That would be Thanksgiving Day...but those extra 2 weeks for her would be extraordinary.  If we made it to 30 then we aim for 32 weeks and if we make it till then our goal would be 34 weeks.  One of our biggest concerns will be her lungs when she is born.  They are not fully developed and so breathing on her own will be a challenge.  The first night we were here and I talked with one of the NICU nurses.  Though I was extremely emotional and really don't recall much of the conversation she was very reassuring that this was the best place for us to be.  Our NICU is amazing and they have the resources and staff to do what they need to do.  When I had an ultrasound done on Wednesday I was told she weighed about 3 pounds which is a good amount and that she was actually measuring about a week ahead of where she was.  They have continued to do ultrasounds every other day...one of the main reasons to check my fluid level.  On Wednesday it was at a 7, on Friday it had decreased to a 5 (though my doctor said realistically a 3), and then they will check again today.  I continue to still leak some fluid but try to replace what I can by drinking a lot and by initially being hooked up to a continuous IV.

The evening that we had arrived in the hospital I did have contractions but they seemed to have subsided.  I was put on magnesium that helped my uterus to relax and they've also given me a series of steroid shots to help her lungs and brain development.  She is breech right now so they have told me I will be having a c-section.  It was not the news I wanted to hear on top of everything else.  If she decides to shift positions on her own, which isn't very likely, they will let me attempt to deliver her vaginally but they're not very hopeful of that happening.  So the waiting game is what we're playing right now.  My emotions come and go but we feel optimistic that things will be ok and really that this is where I need to be.  One of the most amazing things about this whole ordeal is that 24 hours from when we arrived in the hospital Darran and I were supposed to be on an airplane to Utah.  We were so excited to get away together for a few days before the holidays and before we were a little bit more tied down to a baby schedule.  We had plans to visit with family and get together with friends we hadn't seen in ages.  But now my mind can't even begin to process what would have happened if my water hadn't broke the day before.  Would we have been on the airplane?  Would it have happened while we were there?  Our girls would have been in Washington and we would have been in Utah...I really can't even think about it.  And can't stop thanking Heavenly Father for allowing it to not happen that way.

Mom and Dad had been out of town on a business trip so when they flew back home Wednesday night the hospital was the last place they expected to find me.  They have been amazing, as has the rest of my extended family.  I want to be home with my family...I want to reassure them constantly that things will be ok.  But I'm not able to do that...but I know other people are.  My girls are in good hands...their grandparents are who I want to take care of them when Darran and I can't.  Their aunts will step in to help in a heartbeat.  And on top of all of that we have friends and a ward family who are begging to help us too.  It's been completely overwhelming the amount of love, support, and help that we have and still will receive.  It's humbling and a learning process for me but I know I can't do this on my own.  Of course the most amazing person has been Darran.  Nothing like having to step into the roll of Mr. Mom all of a sudden.  He doesn't hesitate to do anything...well, maybe the girls' hair (he all of a sudden wishes they wore hats) but other than that he's superman!  The amount of love and appreciation I have towards him right now can't really be summed up in words.  This has taken me awhile to get going (mostly cause the internet stinks at the hospital) but I do plan on trying to keep this as updated as possible.  Darran mentioned last night we should take pictures of all our visitors.  I wish I would have thought about that earlier.  I have had a constant flow of people coming to see me and it has been the best thing for me.  Time passes so much faster and it's just comforting to feel their support.  Now...if we could just pick out a name!

 My only privileges have been going to the bathroom and taking a shower.  When my doctor gave me permission to take a wheelchair ride the girls were so excited to push me around!

 Each time the girls have come they've been a little more comfortable with me being here...it always helps when I'm not hooked up to every beeping machine in the room.

 Friday night they brought me dinner and we watched a movie together.  A little normalcy goes a long way...and I really just needed their snuggles.

 And it's always good to have a few treats to share...it at least helps Talia feel more at ease.  She loves checking out my little fridge every visit.